I want to disappear.

Do you have days like that?

Oh how glorious it would be if the skies would part and Jesus would appear and then I could disappear. The constant praise of Him could begin. I find myself longing for that more and more.

Is that promise of being reunited with my Savior the source of the longing in my heart on this day (and several others) to disappear?

I have spent the last three weeks caring for my husband as he battled West Nile Virus that developed into a bad case of pneumonia. I watched my 6’5”, 225 pound he-man of a man go from unstoppable to unmovable.

That is an experience that causes one to strip life down to the essence.

My essence proved to be a stronger than normal longing for heaven. This illness of my husband coupled with the pain I have been living with for the last year due to a slipped disc and pinched nerve has truly found me seeking God and His truths in a much deeper way.

Isn’t that just like our Father in Heaven to strip us of the ease of life to bring us to a longing for Him.

If I look at the history of my life, times of “longing for heaven” have always been times that brought me closer to the Creator of heaven…and earth – because I fervently sought Him out. I am talking deeply, fervently kind of seeking. The last few weeks I have experienced anew the truth that the closer one draws to Him the more clearly one understands how far one is from Him.

It also reveals the sweet truth of my need to long for Jesus in my everyday life. Grab ahold of that longing and turn it into a personal desire to daily live in a way that reveals more of Him and less of me to a hurting world.

Jesus can be revealed in how I am with my family, friends and all who God places in my path. But do I always allow Him to be revealed? Or am I in His way?

Where do you turn when the longing envelops you?

Are there counterfeits that you run to? Social media, a phone call, cleaning, food, doing, reading, sleeping, anything to effectively silence the longing – a flawed redirect from the “real” solution to the longing.

Friends…turn to Him. Allow the sky to part right where you are – Jesus and His peace and contentment and sweet moments of praise can be revealed to you daily. Read His word, spend time in prayer, unburden your heart with words to Him, listen for His voice, confess what you are holding onto and rest in the assurance that the longing to disappear directs you to disappear into Him.

I am hit with the reality that the longing in my heart that draws me to Heaven is the same longing that is in every heart. But there are many who seek out counterfeit soothing to that longing.

Friend I hope you will seek Him and find ways to point others to Him through word and deed.

And remember…little eyes are always watching and learning as you Be The Mom…especially through those times of longing.


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Encouraging others for Him. Author/Speaker, Be The Mom & LifeWay's Beautiful Mess Bible Study. Creator of MomLifeToday & MomLifeBootCamp. Devoted wife & fun-loving mom of two, living the simple life on a farm in central Kentucky.


Ashley S · October 5, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Oh that is so true! Sometimes I really believe God allows those times that are hard (times that we have and are living through) to bring us to that place where we draw ourselves closer to Him. Our children are absolutely watching and keeping that in mind sure helps me keep my own attitudes in check.

Suzanne · October 5, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Tracey, I have been there. There are times that life overwhelms me, but it’s not when I’m in pain so much as when someone I love is hurting. When we hurt, we know the limits if the pain, but when someone we love hurts, physically or emotionally, we don’t know the limits of the pain. It seems too much to bear. That’s when we have to turn it over to God, who loves them more than we do. Easier said than done. We know the Scriptures are the only answer.

GINA · October 6, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Thank you for sharing, Tracey! I appreciate it so much! Every day is a battle to keep perspective! You are a great example and challenge to me!!

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